Merry Christmas

Well only four more days until Christmas. The gifts are bought and wrapped, everything is settled down here. It has been a rough year with it's ups and downs, but we made it through with about two more weeks left of 08. I have come to one conclusion from this year. No manner what life dose to you it is best to stop for a moment and think. I have learned to enjoy the moments I get of happiness, no manner if it's laughing at some joke a groomer said, or sitting for several hours looking at my fish tank that I redid for the thousand time. Each and every moment that we are giving is a gift and it's best to try to enjoy life. I know that there will be bad times and when they do show, just take a moment and try to work though it. There is always a solution to everything if you put your mind to it. Well I'll try go over more of my holidays later. Maybe one day I'll post some of the crazy stuff I have had happen this year who knows....

Ever noticed that my mind wanders when ever I do this thing??????

How and Why

Why is it so easy to give advice but when the time comes you can't follow your own? How do you decide on something that will effect someone so greatly? This is something that I have been thinking hard and long on for awhile now. I have talked to many people about this but yet I can't make up my mind. What do I really want in my life, how do I want to live my life, what will make me happy and what will hurt me. There is only two answers to my question, my pain. One will keep making someone very happy and the other will hurt someone badly. At times I think that I decided wrong when I started doing this, but then again there was times when I thought that this was the best thing I have ever done. Lately though I have taken to hiding my true feelings and I know that I'm slowly tearing myself apart doing this and that I am never really happy anymore, but I'm scared. What if I stop, and find out that no longer doing this was the wrong thing in my life? I will never get it back. I just don't know anymore, I'm so confused. I know I'll have to decide on what to do with in the next few months or I'll end up tearing myself apart.

How to catch a cake on fire....

First off, for anyone having depression or anything like that get a massage!!!!! That is what I did today and for the first time in four years I was under no stress, nothing to worry me or anything. I feel like a new person. For a nice cheep on go to Massage Envy. It is only 39 dollars for your first one for an hour and it doesn't even feel like it's been an hour when you are done. Say the least I am in love! Starting next month I'll most likely go three times a month because they think that they can help where I injured my back at work. They have also done wonders for my wrists so yeah, I see a new membership coming in my future.

So yeah on to the name of this post. Today was my birthday and like all birthdays you have a cake with candles. Well my mother was holding a lighter and reached up to turn off the light on the computer desk. She knocks some Christmas stuff down and the lighter in her hand as well. The lighter shatters next to the cake that has candles burning. Well.... so say the least there was a very very large wosh of fire. The fire didn't touch the desk but it dose light up some bills laying under the computer screen and as fast as it went up it went out. There is currently bills in the BBQ pit just encase they decide that they are still on fire.

Overall it was a nice birthday. I got that massage from my parents, and 2 DS games and Case Closed from my boyfriend. I also found out that one of my friends have decided to move back in the area so I'll most likely be hearing from her and her sister next week.

Well a little bit more good news, I am looking into get help for my mental problems. We are talking to some to find me to a physocligst and I'll be doing the massage therapy as well. Believe it or not that also helps with mental problems. So I think that I'm well on my way to finding the help I need.

Lost In Time

So today when I was working on a very crazy puppy I let my mind wonder over my life. How did I get to where I am today, and what happened in my past. It wandered over my years in school, and my childhood. Oddly though my mind kept coming back to a few memories of back when I seamed to be happier in life. The few times I went the zoo with friends, when a good friend of mine and myself waited for a few movies to come out and how we dragged my sister into it to take us to them. Now as I sit here thinking about things, so much has changed. My friends are far and few. I really know nothing about my two closest friends, one I might talk to once a month and the other maybe twice a year if I'm lucky. My other two friends are who knows where. I only get a call from if she needs a ride to work and the other is off somewhere in the US. I've started talking to a couple of my coworkers who are quickly becoming friends. I noticed that it always seams that my friends comes in twos and then they will brake off in twos leaving me once again alone. At times I feel that that is how I am meant to live to always be alone.

Round Two

So, I made one of these things about a year ago and for some reason it will no longer take my password. Not really a big deal, no one read it anyway..... So I'll try to post some stuff later on when I get the time. Hope everyone is doing okay.